I don’t know what I hoped to accomplish bringing my fiancé to therapy with me. We’re both so set in our ways that nothing is going to change. He’s fine, I’m the one that needs to be fixed. I just want to stop being fucking crazy. I just want to be a normal, functioning human being. Everything is invalidated by my own mind and I can’t take it anymore. Barb is so relatable to me- she’s losing her mind to Alzheimer’s and trying so hard to hide it but we all know she’s fading. She’s so scared and frustrated and I feel it too. It’s too much. Mark’s trying to get it out of me and I can’t even explain it cause the thoughts are gone as soon as they appear but they leave remains like a bad eraser, they take up mental space but they’re nothing of substance, it’s all meaningless. I’m so frustrated. How much longer do I have to do this how much fucking longer do I have to be a shell of a person before I don’t know any better before it finally stops I can’t do this