Hey everyone. It's, uh, been a while.
My last appointment with Lady A was... painful. After I told her everything the two of us and my parents all had an awkward meeting over it. Mom had taken me in that morning to get my liver checked (acetaminophen can shut it down if you take too much; not lethal, but not pleasant and rather permanent) and she was panicking a bit. I told them all flat out that I couldn't promise to keep myself safe, which I regret completely now. Should've just kept my mouth shut.
They agreed to let me spend a few nights a week over at Mom's house to get away from home. At first it was great, but I've stopped giving a damn about anything and my grades are shit. I had detention last night. That's the first one in like two years. And yes, I realize that one detention isn't a big deal, but it's just further proof to me that I'm a failure.
I started cutting again last week. Worse than ever. Before I'd only ever done upper arms and thighs, but now it's my chest up to my neckline, stomach, wrists, arms, shoulders, hips, back, and sides. My right leg is a fucking mess an there's a trail from my hip down to my ankles. It's hard to hide. Fuck it, I don't care though. It hurts and it feels good and I just don't care.
I have another appointment with Lady A in two hours. I'm scared. I want to tell her, I want help, but she'll tell my parents and everything will just go all to hell. He'll, she'd probably try to send me to the psychiatric
Ha. I must not be too interested in recovery. I've got a razor hidden in my bra and I *ahem* know how to hide it if need be.
Meh. I hope the rest of you lovelies have a better day than I. :)
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