Grr and Aww

From last night.

So pissed off. Not only does Mom's scale say I'm 4 lbs heavier than I was this morning (physically impossible, since a single pound is 3500 calories and I've had less than 1000), it also said I gained half a pound after using the bathroom and purging. How the hell does that even work? Not that I can really purge anyway; I'm incompetent. I dunno. I know Mom's scale must be broken, but when I don't track my weight I always end up eating too much. Fuck. 

From today.

Mom is the building manager for the 12-apartment complex we live in. One of the tenants skipped out after not paying rent, so we had to go in this morning and clean the place after throwing all of her stuff in the storage room. There wasn't in there, just a sleeping bag and some toiletries, but it was still annoying. On the plus side, vacuuming the apartment and the building's hallways was a good workout. 

I haven't weighed myself this morning, but I feel like I've gained weight. Nasty feeling. My pants are tighter and I can't find a single shirt that doesn't cling to me. :/

I started following this blog: http://xcattehx-onimpulse.blogspot.com/.  It's the blog of a lady with onychophagia and trichotillomania,  which are compulsive nail biting and hair pulling, respectively. As a kid I used to pull on my hair when I got stressed, and I still bite my nails, so I kind of feel a companionship with her. I don't do it to nearly the same degree though. I haven't had any time to read more than the two or three latest posts, but it seems like an interesting blog. :)

Speaking of compulsive behaviors... My father's side of the family has always had strong obsessive compulsive tendencies. (My mom does too, but she has mild Aspergers and head trauma from a car accident, not OCD.) It's always been a bit of a joke in my family, since our craziness about order is reasonably mild, and never anything that interferes with daily life. Or anything useful, like having a spotless house. I do alphabetize our movies, though, and occasionally try to arrange them by genre. My little sister is like that too, a bit: when she draws she arranges her crayons or markers by color and size, and the magnets on the fridge have to be in a particular order. C2 likes to switch 2 or 3 around when she's not looking, just to make her mad. 

 Anyhoo, when I was about 8 until seventh grade, I had an obsession with numbers. I would tap things in multiples of 4, I'd count my steps, I'd stare at the clock endlessly trying to make the numbers work out to 1. If I messed up or got thrown off I couldn't move on until it was fixed. No one but C2 seemed to notice, but it made things a bit difficult. 

Like I said, I grew out of it for the most part. I was in piano for like 6 years (explains the 4: 4/4 time is common in music), and I still can't listen to music without tapping my fingers like I'm playing it on the piano. I hate having to stop, even though it's inconvenient. I still have to take my pills in a certain order every night; one pillow goes horizontal across my bed while the other is vertical; I have an obsession with rubbing my fingers together; and I can't stop scratching my brother's doors instead of knocking. He's the only one I do it to. I dunno. It's all little stuff, quirks that I know have to do with that OCD, perfectionist side of my family. 

I also can not sit with my back to the door in a public place, or I get severe anxiety. That's just plain paranoia though, which is also from Dad. I sleep with my head close to the door and facing the wall though, which is the exact opposite of how human's survival instinct dictates. Lol. I'm an idiot.

I'm at the library, and there's a little kid sitting in the adult romancing section asking himself quietly if anyone is looking for him. He's like 3 and he's "reading" a book upside down. He's got a little lisp, and he's just adorable. ^-^