Turns out that while I couldn't participate in One Act I could still go with. We lost but it was still pretty fun. Out of six teams we tied for fifth, which blows diseased moose wang, but I guess I saw that coming. Not only did our school rivals host the competition, the judges were all from that town and they won. The system may have been rigged. Lol. Either way we had a good time, and I got to spend time with V when she showed up to watch. It was nice.
Today I started the Skinny Girl Diet. Breakfast was coffee and lunch was Diet Dr Pepper over homework, so with exercise I'm at negative 10 calories as of 4 pm. I didn't get nearly as hungry today as I usually do. No one was deafened by my growling stomach during forensics. :P
The original plan for today was to skip breakfast as usual, beg off of lunch to do homework, clean house for gramma after school, and stand in front of a mirror and hate myself for supper at mom's house. She works nights so she's asleep when I come over. It gets kinda lonely sometimes, but I'm grateful for the chance to avoid meals. Unfortunately, we're under a severe winter storm watch and everyone's in a tizzy over a little snow. Seriously? It's like 20 degrees and there's no wind whatsoever. If this is a storm then I'm Micheal Jackson. So much for hardy Minnesotans.
Urgh. I'm cranky today.
I cut again yesterday. More slashes on my upper arm and a small but deep cut on my forearm. It's only about a centimeter long and pretty innocent looking, and I've been recutting it every few hours so that it'll scar. I miss my scars.
I spent all day yesterday and most of today writing a crappy romance Hobbit fanfic centered around self-injury. Hmm, I wonder where that prompt could have come from... Idiot.
I'm worried about my appointment with Ashley on Thursday. I know I'm not going to get better unless I'm completely honest with her, but I really don't want to say anything. If I tell her about cutting she's going to be disappointed and pissed, and if I say anything about that whole mess with the pills she'll freak. She and Dad might send me to Prairie (the local psych ward). That would be bad, to say the least. But I'm not sure I can do this on my own anymore. I've tried to kill myself before but it wasn't like this. It wasn't this bad, I was just being dumb and melodramatic before. Last Thursday night I honestly thought that there was a chance I would die, and I didn't do anything about it. I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore.
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