Signs and Portents

I feel like I should clarify something.

The majority of blogs I follow are either about self harm (both recovery and otherwise) or eating disorders, namely anorexia. I am pro ana, and this blog could easily be considered a pro ana blog. I know the dangers of disordered eating behaviors, though the jury's still out on whether anorexia is a disorder or a life choice. Either way, I support it. As a perfectionist I understand the need for control and never feeling good enough for society; as a life long fat girl I understand the pain that comes from constantly being judged for your appearance. I am not anorexic, bulimic, or EDNOS. I have no intention of 'picking up' these disorders nor am I or was I ever trying to get an eating disorder. I simply take inspiration from those who follow that path and use some of the community's ideas. I am not a wannarexic; don't treat me like one.

I have many goals in life but one of my biggest ones has always been to lose weight. I've dreamed about it and strived for it for as long as I can remember with absolutely no fucking success. I've found something that can help me reach that goal and I'm sticking with it. Since I staring restricting I've lost nearly 15 pounds in about 4 months, and I'm happier now than I have been in ages. My efforts are finally starting to show and I love it. The constant feeling of hunger and emptiness is amazing and I won't stop this.

To some extent I wanted to help fill a gap in the pro ana community, even though I'm eating disorder-free. So many of the blogs I've found are about girls who are (from my point of view at least) skinny to begin with. You know, the ones who are 5'8" and 140 lbs, trying to get down to 108. Very rarely does one find any blogs about weight loss/ana/mia/wannaED/whatever who are as big or bigger than I am, in that 200+ lbs range. (I realize I don't fit into that group, mostly because my blog isn't about weight loss, but still.)

If this particular view offends you, so be it. That's your choice and I respect it. That does not, however, give you the right to get all up in my face about it. Don't like it? Leave.